9 common mistakes people make when writing a memoir

Writing a memoir is one of the most meaningful projects many people ever take on. But when you first begin, it’s completely normal to feel unsure about whether you’re “doing it right.”

The good news is that most memoir mistakes are easy to avoid once you recognise them.

A woman helping a man write a memoir at a desk

In this article, we’ll look at some of the most common mistakes people make when writing a memoir, and how to avoid them so the process feels simpler, more enjoyable, and more meaningful.

1. Trying to tell absolutely everything

One of the biggest mistakes people make is feeling like they need to include every detail from their entire life. You don’t.

A memoir isn’t meant to be a complete record of every event that ever happened. It’s about capturing the moments, experiences, relationships, and memories that mattered most to you.

In fact, trying to include everything can sometimes make writing feel overwhelming.

Instead, focus on:

Meaningful memories
Important turning points
Family stories
Life lessons
Moments that shaped you

Very often, the smaller personal moments become the most powerful parts of a memoir.

2. Waiting for the “perfect” place to start

Many people delay writing because they can’t decide where the memoir should begin. But the truth is, you don’t need to start at the beginning.

You can begin with:

A vivid childhood memory
A family tradition
An important life event
A person who influenced you
Or simply a story you enjoy telling

You can always organise and structure everything later. The important thing is to begin while the memories are fresh in your mind.

3. Writing too formally

A memoir doesn’t need to sound like a history book or a novel. One of the most common mistakes is trying to write in an overly formal or “impressive” way.

The most engaging memoirs usually sound natural, honest, and personal.

Write the way you would speak to someone you trust. Your family doesn’t want perfection. They want you.

4. Forgetting the small details

Often, it’s the little details that make memories feel real. People sometimes focus only on the major life events such as weddings, moving house and achievements.

These events are important for a memoir, but smaller details are often what bring a story to life:

The smell of your grandmother’s kitchen
The songs playing in the car
Phrases someone always used to say
The feeling of walking into your first job

These details help future generations picture your world more clearly.

5. Being too hard on yourself

Many people stop writing because they worry:

“My life isn’t interesting enough.”
“I’m not a good writer.”
“Nobody will want to read this.”

These worries are incredibly common. But memoir writing isn’t about being famous or writing perfectly. It’s about preserving experiences, memories, and perspectives that would otherwise disappear over time.

The people who care about your story most are usually the people closest to you.

6. Trying to write everything in order

Some people feel they must write their memoir chronologically from birth onward. That can quickly become exhausting.

Instead, it’s often easier to write memory by memory. You can always:

rearrange chapters later
group stories by theme
organise memories into time periods
or build the structure once more content exists

Think of memoir writing as collecting memories first, then shaping them afterwards.

7. Not including feelings and reflections

A memoir isn’t just about what happened. It’s also about what those moments meant to you.

A woman writing and reflecting on a street

For example, instead of only writing: “We moved to a new city when I was 14.” You might also include:

how it felt at the time
what you were worried about
how you look back on it now
what changed afterwards

These reflections add emotional depth and help readers connect with your story.

8. Giving up too early

Many memoirs are abandoned simply because people believe they need to write huge amounts all at once. You don’t. Even small pieces add up over time.

One story.
One memory
One page at a time

That’s how most memoirs are created. Consistency matters far more than speed.

9. Trying to do everything alone

Writing a memoir can sometimes feel emotionally or creatively overwhelming, especially when organising decades of memories. Many people find the process becomes far easier once they have:

Encouragement
Structure
Feedback
Editing support
Or simply someone to guide them through the process

You don’t necessarily need to figure everything out by yourself.

Bringing it all together

The truth is, there’s no “perfect” way to write a memoir. Every life story is different, and every person approaches the process differently too.

The most important thing is simply starting. Your memories do not need to be perfectly written to matter. They simply need to be preserved.

And often, the stories you think are ordinary become the stories your family treasures most.

Ready to take the next step?

If you’d like help shaping your memories into a finished memoir, we’re here to help.

At My Stories Matter, we guide people through the memoir process with real human support, thoughtful editing, and beautifully designed books created to be shared for generations.

You’ll always speak to real people who take the time to understand your story and help bring it to life in a way that feels personal and meaningful.